If you're bored at work...

Try my Desk Items Test.

I drew round several items that happened to be within easy reach, scanned the sheet and numbered the outlines.

Can you guess what the items are?
Some are easier than others.

Send me your answers and the person with the most correct answers receives Item 3 as a prize.

The Desk Items Test

I have just started a new job in an office in my home town. It's just a temporary contract through an employment agency, that I'm essentially using to save up some money to go abroad do a TEFL course, but is nevertheless a step up from the temping jobs I've had in the past. These have included more filing and photocopying than anyone should ever have to put up with, winding balls of string in a factory from 6am until 3pm, and taking orders for a company that made toilet cubicles.

Despite my experience at Plimsoll Publishing (a company that sells financial reports to struggling businesses), being so far so good, I do have the occasional tedious, repetitive task asked of me, so am prone to the odd fit of boredom.

Yesterday, for example, whilst checking some email addresses on a database, I found myself drawing round my banana onto the back of an invoice. I then photocopied the banana outline, scanned it and sent it to a few friends in an email. Today, I made up a jingle for the company. It is sung to the tune of "I am the very model of a modern Major General" from Gilbert and Sullivan. Here it is:




If you do not want to suffer profit growth paralysis
We can send you your financial study or analysis

We can put it in the post or send it on the internet
Print it off and read it through and you'll no longer be in debt

Plumber, banker, manager: it doesn't matter what you do
Write it on the order form and we can find the one for you

Order it in French or English, order it in Japanese
Top One Hundred, Acquisition, all for very modest fees

We'll send it to Parcelforce and it should reach you in a week
Unless of course your company's in Guadeloupe or Martinique

Please remember just one thing, and that's to pay your fee on time
Or you'll go to Recofact and you may face a hefty fine

So if you think you're dans la merde (in English that means 'in a stew')
Come to Plimsoll Publishing and we can tell you what to do!

Got the T-shirt

Well, I did the half-marathon and got to the finish line in one piece (as did my four friends who also took part):

My time was 2 hours 16 minutes (and 11 very long seconds).

We nearly missed the start of the race due to queuing up for the portaloos:

But once we'd found the start line and caught up with the crowds, the first half was great - a wonderful atmosphere and a lovely route through Paris from the Bois de Vincennes to the Place de la Bastille (right in the centre of Paris):

From 12km until 16km things got rather harder, and more uphill, but we kept our spirits up by cheering loudly after every kilometre, and making the most of the slices of orange and bottles of water given out to us every 5km:

From 17-20km things were no longer feeling good. My legs weren't really feeling anything at all and had stopped responding to commands. Even stopping to walk was painful, so the only thing to do was to carry slowly jogging on, in a kind of trance-like meditative "feel the pain, love the pain, accept the pain" state, counting down the distance left as each kilometre got longer and longer.

The finish line approaching, I vowed never, ever, to do anything as tiring and as pointless as this again. Helen and I ran the last kilometre hand in hand, managing to keep each other going until the end:

We spent the rest of the day hobbling slowly round Paris wearing our medals proudly:

Now that my legs have recovered, I suppose it wasn't that bad. So much so that I've signed up to do another half marathon in 7 weeks time...