I have just started a new job in an office in my home town. It's just a temporary contract through an employment agency, that I'm essentially using to save up some money to go abroad do a TEFL course, but is nevertheless a step up from the temping jobs I've had in the past. These have included more filing and photocopying than anyone should ever have to put up with, winding balls of string in a factory from 6am until 3pm, and taking orders for a company that made toilet cubicles.

Despite my experience at Plimsoll Publishing (a company that sells financial reports to struggling businesses), being so far so good, I do have the occasional tedious, repetitive task asked of me, so am prone to the odd fit of boredom.

Yesterday, for example, whilst checking some email addresses on a database, I found myself drawing round my banana onto the back of an invoice. I then photocopied the banana outline, scanned it and sent it to a few friends in an email. Today, I made up a jingle for the company. It is sung to the tune of "I am the very model of a modern Major General" from Gilbert and Sullivan. Here it is:




If you do not want to suffer profit growth paralysis
We can send you your financial study or analysis

We can put it in the post or send it on the internet
Print it off and read it through and you'll no longer be in debt

Plumber, banker, manager: it doesn't matter what you do
Write it on the order form and we can find the one for you

Order it in French or English, order it in Japanese
Top One Hundred, Acquisition, all for very modest fees

We'll send it to Parcelforce and it should reach you in a week
Unless of course your company's in Guadeloupe or Martinique

Please remember just one thing, and that's to pay your fee on time
Or you'll go to Recofact and you may face a hefty fine

So if you think you're dans la merde (in English that means 'in a stew')
Come to Plimsoll Publishing and we can tell you what to do!

Awkward moments

Yesterday I had one of those unfortunate conversations where every question asked generates an awkward answer, which is followed by an awkward silence.

It went along the lines of:

S: Hello Katy, how are you? Are you feeling less stressed since the end of your exams?

K: Well, I suppose so, though I'm having a few minor mental health problems at the moment, so I'm not feeling at my best, though I'm much better than I was a month or so ago.

S: Oh dear. Um, well, how did your exam results go? I bet you did really well, with all that hard work you put in!

K: Actually, I didn't do as well as I'd have liked. I failed.*

S: Oh, I'm sorry. Are you still seeing that same nice girl as before?

K: No.

S: Oh. Um, how are your parents? Didn't they go away on holiday recently?

K: Not too good. They've split up and, er, my dad moved out two weeks ago.

S: Oh. Um, shit, I'm sorry. (In a desperate attempt to lighten the conversation) Um, how's the cat? Has he caught any mice recently?

K: He's dead. Got run over when he was washing his arse in the middle of the road.*

S: Oh, god. (Pause) Do you want a cup of tea?

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Footnotes:

* = made up and added in for effect. I got a 2:1 and the cat's fine.

Note to readers

Due to an unforeseen set of rather unfortunate circumstances, I may not update my blog for a while. But then again, I might, and certainly will do in the next couple of weeks, so do keep coming back to check.

Ta-ra for now. And in the wise words of Jerry Springer, take care of yourselves, and each other...